Convos With Con
Faith in action, what does that really look like? Can you really be a successful working mom and have it all? I just wanna share my heart on all the topics we go through as women and ultimately what God says about it all and how we live that out. I can't wait to hear from you as we take an action step from every episode and encourage each other in whatever season we're in. Let's walk in our calling and get bold doing it!
Convos With Con
Contentment & Complacency
Being content does not mean you never desire for more or push towards a goal. But how do you do that and not be someone who's always striving or worse yet become lazy? I have my pastor hubby joining me with some GOLDEN nuggets of wisdom when it comes to finding purpose and joy in all seasons.
Hello everybody, welcome back to Convos with Khan. I'm so excited to have my special guest back with me, my handsome hubby Phil.
Speaker 3:Hey everybody welcome, welcome. Hey, confession, I have a huge crush on the host of this podcast.
Speaker 2:Well good, I have a huge crush on the guest.
Speaker 3:Well, awesome, this is going to go well today.
Speaker 2:Well, we got to stay on track, because today we are not talking about crushes, we are not talking about relationships, but we should probably do that soon.
Speaker 3:That would be good.
Speaker 2:We are going to talk about complacency versus contentment, and the reason that we're going to talk about this is because it is a topic that gets brought up in my circle a lot and you're going to hear from Phil too, because I'm curious to see how that gets brought up in your circle as well. But I think everybody who is going for anything big or who has goals or who's even in the working world is going to struggle with this at some point, and so I figured I'd have Phil on and just have him share some of his insights and wisdom, because he's totally opposite of me and he sees things differently than me, and that's why I love him.
Speaker 3:So I love this conversation and I love this time of year because it gives us an opportunity to be grateful. It gives us an opportunity to talk about the season of harvest. We've been working hard for the beginning of the year and this is often the season where we just get to kind of slow down a bit, be with family, celebrate the end of the year and you've taken the summer off with podcasts, and so I think it's fitting to come back and talk about this conversation of contentment and complacency. Yeah, question you want to ask.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So first I think, before I ask you any questions, I just want to share what contentment means and define that and what complacency means, and I looked up a couple of different things. I'm actually going to read them to you guys and I think they're interesting, and then we can share just our thoughts on these from there. So here's what contentment is. Contentment is a step towards fulfillment. Complacency refers to being satisfied with the current position, even when seeing the need for improvement but not making much attempt to improve. Complacency often connotes laziness. I love that. I love that contentment means that you're still taking steps towards a goal, you're still moving towards something, but we're going to dig into a little bit more of a biblical version of that, of how you're okay with the season that you're in until you see the fruit, which is what that's basically saying. Another thing is another definition I saw is a content person is satisfied and puts forth great effort to move towards the goal. A complacent person is satisfied but puts forth little to no effort to move towards the goal.
Speaker 2:So those are just some different ways, I guess, to talk about it. What do you think of when you hear the word contentment?
Speaker 3:Well, I immediately go to this idea of comparison. When you begin to compare yourself to where others are at, you begin to become more discontent and you have to use a filter, you have to use a gauge in your life and that, for me and for you, we want to value, we want to strive, we want to prioritize the things that are eternal, not temporal. And that's hard because when you start talking about contentment, you start thinking about the things that you have and the things that you can start to collect and start to strive for and start to pursue. And I think that takes some discipline in your life and to not get caught up in this idea of comparison. Because when you start to get discontent, what I'm saying is you begin to look at what other people have and you begin to not be grateful for where you're at and what you have. Right, Be thankful for that. And so I think I like to start with just that idea of if you feel like you're in a season of being discontent, it's often because you're comparing yourself to something or someone or some value system that's out there that is starting to make you not happy with what you currently have and what you do have.
Speaker 3:And so I like to start there and, like I mentioned, as a person of faith, you know, for you and Iconi, we want to live in the purpose of God's plan for our life. And maybe you're listening and you don't have that same worldview, and that's okay, but we keep that as our true north. You know, for our purpose and for what we're called to do and for your business and the things that you work towards, we always want to align back with okay, well, where does God have us right now? What is my purpose and what I'm fulfilling in life? And you know, the truth is through social media and through other avenues, through TV, through you know, so many different things are telling us what we should have in order to be happy. And if we begin to believe that and we don't have a true north, then we begin to become discontent with where we are now.
Speaker 2:I love that so much. I love that you brought in the word comparison, because I do think they're very closely related. I do think things like social media and just you know, all the technology and all the in your face right now have everything you know fast, quick, all these things definitely is why I think more people are discontent now than they've ever been. And I would also say that I think that when you don't see and you brought this word up to purpose when you don't see purpose in the slow seasons, when you don't see purpose in valleys is what we call them right or when you don't see purpose unless you're making a ton of money or, you know, always on a leaderboard or always, that's a problem and that causes discontentment.
Speaker 2:And I want to bring encouragement to people listening that there is so much and just as much purpose in a waiting season as there is when you're, you know, in the harvesting season, so to speak. Wouldn't you agree? And I think that if you can grasp that and go, okay, I'm working towards the goal, I'm moving towards something, but it's not there yet. I'm not necessarily seeing all the fruits or hitting. You know everything I want to achieve. I still have purpose, though, and I can still find joy in these moments. That is a person that is being content.
Speaker 3:When we start to measure ourselves against others because you're talking about purpose and you're talking about this is what I'm uniquely called to you in this season and when you begin to measure and compare, like I mentioned before, and measure yourself against other people's talents and gifts and purpose, you begin to start to pursue that which might not actually be what you're called to do, but you see the success, or the perception of success that those people have and the happiness that they have, and you begin to become discontent with my purpose and my calling and my gifts.
Speaker 3:And there's a sentiment in the proverbs that I wanted to share. It says this a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. And there's a key word there. It's envy. When we become envious of where other people are at and measuring where other people are at versus ourselves, just, we lose that heart of gratitude, we lose that sense of calling and purpose and what we're uniquely designed to do, and we start operating outside of our God given talents, which is what I believe. God gives the talents that we have from birth, and I think that's where you start to slip yourself into discontentment and not being content with where you are.
Speaker 2:So, so good. I love that. So let me ask you this A lot of this is more, you know, for us as women. I think we feel this more right.
Speaker 2:We have these traditional views of men and women and working hard for things, and it's typically, you know, the man is the provider and him working hard and taking on multiple shifts or working extra hours is usually celebrated and, you know, rewarded and acknowledged as he's doing that for his family. And then we're in a day and age now where women are able to work hard as well in the home and still take care of their family. Obviously, I'm in a role like that where I can do these things from home and we're so blessed that we have these opportunities. But so many women struggle with being content because they think that that means they should just be happy with what they have and they shouldn't want or necessarily strive for more for their family. And I don't believe believe that's true, and so I just wanted to hear your take on that is how can women be content but still want more for what God's calling them to do? How do they do that?
Speaker 3:Sure, and I think complacency is just as perilous as discontentment, and you know, as a again, as a person of faith, there's this scripture in Revelation that talks about not being hot and not being cold, not actually being exactly what you need to be, and that's the slope of complacency.
Speaker 3:I don't really believe this, I don't really trust this, but I also don't really think I'm supposed to be doing this, on the other hand as well, and the scripture says you're not hot, you're not cold. I wish you were one or the other, because if you're lukewarm and we talk about this in our faith if you say you're one thing but you do another, say you believe something but you don't actually live it out and practice it, the scripture that we believe says we're going to be spit out of the mouth. Essentially, we're going to be kind of thrown astray, and that's a harsh scripture that I'm referring to. But I think that there's an eternal principle that's there, that the verse illustrates the danger of becoming comfortable or indifferent in our faith and in our calling, where we begin to again just doubt this is what I'm supposed to be doing and a lack of faith that this is where I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 3:And then that's essentially what begins to lead to complacency. And there's actually this really cool story in the Bible that's referred to often. It's the story of Mary and Martha and the book of Luke. And if you've never read the Bible before you're listening, you never heard this story. I think you still can relate to it.
Speaker 3:So Martha was busy, she was the one preparing, she was comparing herself to her sister, mary. Mary, when Jesus came to the home, just wanted to sit at the feet of Jesus, but Martha was busy going and doing and all of these things. And in her comparison, martha becomes resentful to Mary. And meanwhile Mary was content and focused on what mattered most learning from Jesus, knowing that he was only there for a time. And I think what we see from the story is the danger of both comparison and complacency. Martha's comparison to Mary led to her resentment and she confronts Jesus and says why is Mary not doing anything, you know? And Jesus responses well, she knows that I'm not going to be here very long and so her time right now is to just sit. So there is a time to just sit and to be.
Speaker 3:But also, mary could have easily become complacent in her position, she could have just stayed seated. But that moment when Jesus left, we see Mary at the tomb, we see her working, we see her after Jesus, we see her boots to the ground and on mission.
Speaker 3:And I think there are seasons, connie, that you're talking about where we are to sit and we are to be grateful and thankful in all circumstances, but once that season's over, it's a season of work again, and I think that's the rhythms in our lives that we have to find seasons of rest, seasons of work, seasons of harvest, and then getting back to work, and so on and so forth. And so I think complacency can be just as perilous as discontentment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so so good. I completely agree. I've been talking about this actually a lot recently and I've been sitting on it and I just keep coming back to it, which is seasons, you know, and I think when we miss that and again going back to the purpose, in those seasons we fall into, just like you said, either hustle, hustle, hustle until the wheels fall off, or I'm going to do nothing and I'm going to impact no one, because even just one tiny step reminds me of hustle, hustle, hustle, and it's like no, it's not meant to be just one or the other, it's. We can do and be both. And there's so many stories in the Bible that give us those examples.
Speaker 2:And I think one of my favorite examples of somebody who is content but also ambitious is Paul. Paul wrote letters to all the churches saying you know, I will press on towards the goal, I will press forward to that which God has called me for. Nothing's going to stop me. Basically is what he's telling them, but he's also in that same. But I've been content in every season. I've had seasons where I've been beaten, I've had seasons where I've been sick. I've had seasons where I've had a lot, I've had a little. I'm content because I know that God is going to produce fruit in whatever I'm doing, whether I'm sick, whether I'm in jail, whether I'm, you know, speaking to the masses and thousands of people. God will use that and my desire is to have that kind of belief, because I believe when you do, nothing will bring you to that place of complacency. You will be content, whether you're seeing all the fruit or not, and he's our perfect example of that.
Speaker 3:I love that you brought up. He wrote that in Philippians and he wrote that letter from a prison. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so I think it goes back to what's the anecdote. If I am discontent in this season, the anecdote or the cure essentially would be to be thankful in all circumstances. And you know you talked about Paul and him writing and starting these churches and then eventually being martyred for his faith, writing from prison cell for his faith. And I think the reason he had the ability to do that and like I mentioned the anecdote is being thankful in all circumstances. But how do you do that? It helps to take our minds off of ourselves. So you'll notice, when you become discontent, there's the comparison trap. I'm comparing myself to others and then it just becomes really, really about you, about self, about the things that I don't have. And I think what Paul was teaching us and teaching the church in that season writing from a prison cell, saying to be thankful, that he was thankful in all circumstances, he's had much and he's had little, in all of it he's been thankful is to get our minds off of ourselves and focus on meeting the needs of others.
Speaker 3:And so I just want to encourage those right now that might be feeling stuck.
Speaker 3:I feel like I've been stuck in this season of complacency and discontentment. I want to encourage you first of all, remain steadfast in what your purpose and what you're calling is for your life. Be immovable. Don't let the storms, don't let the wind, don't let whatever is coming against you move you from where you're supposed to be, and always abound. And what I mean by that is just be grateful and thankful in the work that is before you, be faithful in it, knowing that you're not laboring in vain, that there is a harvest coming, that there is fruit of that labor coming. And I can just say, if you're trapped in that comparison again, instead of checking Instagram, just want to give a heart check here and just be real, delight yourself in God, knowing that he gives you the desires of your heart. The truth is, the things that we often seek solace in do not delight us.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:And that's what happens is you're already discontent and then you go on and see the highlight reels of people's lives that might not be real.
Speaker 3:Not saying that they aren't, but some often aren't being real and you're not seeing the hard work that led to that as well. Sometimes I would just say don't delight in that, don't find the cure in that, but find the cure. And just coming back to you, ok, where do I find my delight? Well, for us, we find our delight in God's plan for our life and not in getting ourselves in comparison to others. And so the second part, I think, of complacency is to grow and to continuously grow.
Speaker 3:One of the things that I am always intentional about, and that you and I have been intentional about since the beginning of our marriage, is we want to get better with time Through the years. Over time, I can. I have the ability to learn from anyone if you ask the right questions. I can even learn from the critics, learn from the haters, if there's even 1% of truth in what they're saying about me and the other 99% is not true. I want to learn from that 1%, and so I think the first is right. Getting it off of yourself, getting the focus off yourself and serving others will help you become more content and not as complacent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and to grow. So I'm gonna add to that too. I love that so much. I shared this, I don't know a month ago or so, but I something on Instagram about how, every time I feel complacent or discontent, I, I, I, I, I. That's literally what it's been for me for days or weeks. When I get to those places, all I have to do is trace back that week and go what have I been thinking on, what have I been doing? And it's I me, what you know, I me, why. And it's like no, no, no, you're exactly right, I have to go literally do something for someone else. I have to. I know that's the antidote, I know that is what brings us true joy and peace in those Unfruitful, quote-unquote seasons. So I love that. You said that. I think that is Absolute gold.
Speaker 2:And then the growing. I mean leaders are learners, as we've been taught, and I think, if we, if you're a woman who's trying to work from the home and you're raising kids, or if you're, you know, single and you're just trying to go After your career, whatever it is, I think that if God's calling you to a season where it is to slow down, and I'll be the first to tell you I don't like those seasons at all. It's very hard for me to do that. It's not in my personality, it's not. It is really hard for me, but I have learned over the years to surrender to it because I know, just like Paul knew, there's gonna be good from it and it's the place where I need to either grow and see something that I wouldn't see if I was running, running, running and gunning, and you know. And it's a place for me to learn, and so I love the Leaders are learners phrase that you know, you and I have adopted for so many years.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, it's. I want to be usable, and you and I have always made a commitment that we want. We want our lives to be Poured out to serve others. That's what our definition of success has always been. That's always been our true north that every room that we walk into, we want to leave it better than we found it. We want to look for those that we need to give value to. We've learned that from John Maxwell and being a part of his leadership and mentoring. And If you're, if you want to be usable, if you want to have a life of impact, if you want to Do great things, then you have to grow. And if you're stuck and I keep using that phrase because you might just feel stuck I'm not moving, I'm not growing, I'm not being used. I think you have to look inward at what do I need to remove in my life right now that is allowing me to be stuck and and preventing me from growing. I think it's just like anything we do what we put into our bodies affects how our Bodies form.
Speaker 3:Yeah and what we put into our minds, what we put into our souls through our eyes and ears, and that affects how we grow and how we either stay stuck or how we get unstuck, and I think maybe for a lot of you you're listening to this, you're you're a part of the very few that do want to grow.
Speaker 3:I think if you're listening to this right now. Yeah, you want to grow, so this is like preaching to the choir, but maybe somebody sent you this podcast and said, hey, you need to listen to this and just be encouraged. Today, I just want you to know that, from my perspective, god doesn't love you anymore, any less based on what you do.
Speaker 3:So it's not based on what you do. So I'm not doing things to earn God's love or to earn others love. God loves me, despite what I do for him or what I don't do for him. It's not based on that. But if I want to be used by God in great ways and if I want my life to have impact in others, I need to be usable. That's different than being loved by God and.
Speaker 3:If I want to be used by God, I need to be a vessel that's willing to be used by him, mm-hmm. And so that means that I need to continuously grow. It means that I need to learn, I need to develop and lead and do the hard things, not striving right.
Speaker 3:But Paul uses a phrase that you just mentioned In Philippians again a letter from prison, where he says I press on To the prize, which for him was building the kingdom of God. And that's our price, too, is Seeing people discover their God-given gifts and talents and purpose. That's the prize I strive to that prize. If I'm striving towards my own Success or building my own kingdom, then, yes, yeah, you're gonna feel burned out. You're gonna feel like you're striving for nothing. But man, you and I, connie, you know we're addicted to life change. We're addicted to seeing people's lives change over time and them fulfilling their purpose. So because of that, I press on. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because of that end result, that prize, which is God's Kingdom and God's will for our lives. It makes me get up every day and say how am I going to learn today? What am I going to learn today and how am I going to live out God's will for my life? So that's my little encouragement for listening.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's so good, you just breached it. I'm like I don't even know how to add to that because man is that true? I'll say this A content person and I read this earlier presses on towards the prize. A discontent or a complacent person, especially for the Christian. Hear me, some of you might need this little sting. I know, I did, I saw this too is a complacent person, knows that there's impact to be made, knows they have gifts and talents to be used, but does not want to use them because it means they might have to sacrifice or get out of their comfort zone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is a word Like that. Right, there is really it. And, like Phil said, this is not about you having to strive. God's going to quit who he calls. We know that. This is not about you trying to make a name for yourself, but when you get up every morning because you know there are people out there that need you to show up, and when you have that perspective, it does completely change those feelings of you know, how am I not being used, how am I not growing?
Speaker 2:And it helps you. Just take the first step.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know I've used, we've used some stories from the Bible in this podcast and in this conversation and for you and I, that is like our map for how we navigate our life and I'll go back to it aligns us, it's our true north. I use this illustration last week when I was speaking to our congregation that God's word, the scripture, for us as people of faith is a way of realigning our lives with God's will. And I lifted my truck a couple of years ago when we were starting to camp and trailer and all that stuff, and I didn't have my tires aligned and when I was driving my steering wheel was turned all the way to the right but I was going straight, but it disoriented me because when I had to turn right it was like I had to flip the wheel even further right and it just it was so difficult to navigate. And I think some of us, when we don't have that true north and when we don't have that, that map, so to speak, or God's word for us, we're not aligned and we're expecting things to happen in our lives that aren't happening because we're misaligned. And we got to take it back to the shop. I had to take it into the shop and have a professional realign the truck and it drives perfect now, and I think it's that's what God's word is for us. It's a map, and think of it like any sort of GPS system in your car when it's telling you to turn right but you decide I'm actually going to turn left because I think there's a shortcut or I think there's a better way. But what you're not realizing is the map is seeing traffic patterns and seeing accidents that are ahead of you, that it's preventing you or helping you to try to avoid.
Speaker 3:But in our own thoughts oftentimes and in our own desires, we say I'm going to turn left and then we end up taking a detour that gets us off the path and we end up further away from the destination than when we started. And so I want to say for those that comparison and complacency are two sides of the same point. They're both dangerous places to be in. Both can lead you away from fulfilling that goal or that purpose or that vision that God has for your life. But by really cultivating that attitude of gratitude, being thankful in all circumstances, waking up every day and saying how am I going to grow today and how am I going to press on. How am I going to? I love the word persevere. I also love the word that talks about bouncing back. Maybe you're in a setback, or maybe you're in a season where you've gone through something difficult. How are you going to be resilient and bounce back to keep pressing on?
Speaker 3:Because, that can also get us into a season of complacency. You've been knocked down and for those maybe listening that have been in business or have been in leadership, maybe some people have walked away from your team. They've walked away from your business Friendships. People have walked away from your life. This is your opportunity. This is your season to be resilient and resiliency. I like to think of it this way when I see my kids in the pool and our girls are swimming in the pool and they love the beach ball. They did this a couple years ago. This is where I got this illustration. They were able to hold that beach ball underneath the water for only a little bit of time, but eventually, when they let go, there was so much buoyancy and resiliency in the ball that it couldn't be held underwater permanently.
Speaker 3:That eventually it had to rise above the water again, and for those of you that are listening, that feel like your head is below water, know that you're resilient, know that you're buoyant, know that there's a path to get back out of the water and to press on and move forward and to get out of the pitfalls that we fall into sometimes. And so I hope this conversation, I hope some of the things we've shared gives you that ability to find contentment in the place that you're at, be thankful in all circumstances, but also to not be complacent, to be resilient, to move forward, to press on.
Speaker 2:Love it. Oh my gosh, so many good things. I feel like we could go on and, on, and on, but we probably should wrap it up.
Speaker 2:We're gonna do we gotta do more because you're so good, honey. Honestly, this is why I like having you on, because you just always have words of wisdom and golden nuggets. And I'll just say too, you know my encouragement we always end every episode with some steps to take. Phil gave you a few, you know, with just being willing to grow.
Speaker 2:Look for ways you can go bless somebody today, in these seasons, and know that our job is to plant the seeds and God's job is to bring the harvest. You don't need to strive and do things that are not yours to do. You don't need to try to play God to make things happen, but you do need to take the steps of faith and let him do the rest. Take that burden off your shoulders that you shouldn't be carrying, and I'm sure we're going to continue to have more conversations around this topic, but I hope this has brought you guys some joy, some goodness and, as always, if it has, I want you guys to share it with me. I would love you guys to share what you've got from this, share it on Instagram, tag me and please subscribe and rate me so that we can continue to do these things, and and I'll look forward to hearing your guys' feedback Be blessed. Thanks again, ben.
Speaker 3:Thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:Bye.